Shocked At 53

Who is Vivi?  Vivi has been my closest and bestest of friends for almost 35 years. We have been through life together.  Sometimes in the same town but mostly from afar as our lives have taken us different places.  She is the one that I would hide a body for (although she wouldn't open a twitter account for me so there's that!) and she would hid a body for me.  This is true!  She and I are proof that one can not decide to be gay.  If we could do that we would be celebrating 30 years of blissful marriage!  She is my touchstone in life.  When I wanted to stick my head in the sand she let me.  When I was ready to pull my head straight out of my butt she was there for me.  She has been my rock in this whole mess and I love her even more for it.

So, how did I finally burst the boil that was this festering question on my husband's honesty?  The Whore did it for me!  One day while scrolling through Facebook I decided to wander over to my husband's account and see his recent posts.  To my total shock the top post was one the Whore posted and tagged him in.  It was of the two of them with two other men (one I knew) enjoying a beer while he was supposedly at a weekend getaway with his (all male) car friends.  As usual, I stewed on it for a while before acting on it.  What I mean by "stewed" was alternate between, "YOU LYING, CHEATING BASTARD" and, I'm sure there's a very reasonable explanation to this picture (HA! Oh, how I lied to myself!). I drove down the street to the apartment that I had the address to that I KNEW belonged to the Whore no matter what he said.  And as I drove up I saw his car.  My heart positively sank.  Here was the solid proof of so many of his lies.  What's ...

Let's talk about gaslighting at its' best!  My ex was a master of the gaslight.  For example, when we all put apple find friends on our phones I started to notice that about an hour before he came home from work it would show him at the end of our street at the apartment complex located there.  It was oddly consistent.  I questioned him on it and he attributed it to a glitch in the apple software.  Said he was at work and my oh my how odd that was.  Then he'd point out that when my child was two houses down at their friends house it showed her at the other end of the street.  This was true so I ignored it.  He was so convincing that I blew it off.  That is, until I spent a week at Vivi's house and on the way to the airport checked the Life360 (that I put on the child's phone as she was driving now and I needed to know where she was. Why wouldn't her father want to know as well?  He, of course, fought having it installed) app and it showe...

So really, where to begin.  I'll share my story in strange, disjointed bits.  Similar to how I discovered my husband's infidelity and deception.  Piece them together at your choosing.  One timeline is as good as another. I was married to a flawed man but that was ok.  I'm flawed, he's flawed, that's ok in a marriage, right?  We accept each other for their crazy and that's ok. I believed that we were on the same path together for better or worse.  Crazy me believed that schtick! He was insecure and hid his insecurity behind little grandiose lies and half truths.  While not the best I thought I knew him and why he did what he did.  I supported him in every endeavor he sought to embark on. He thrived in any environment where he could be the hero.  He took on many tasks that he was able to live out this fantasy at the expense of working